{What does Balance and Wellness Mean to You?} When to Know to Say No

by Valerie on November 20, 2009 · 1 comment

Something I really struggle with is the guilt around saying no.  I appear to be able to say no and draw boundaries quite well – but I feel bad about it a lot, which kind of defeats the purpose of being able to draw said boundaries.  One area of my life where this is a constant struggle is social plans with casual but long-time acquaintances.  When I feel this way, though, I remind myself of an interaction I had earlier this year, where I told one such long-time acquaintance I was just not feeling very social on account of dealing with some health problems.  I did not make the email specific, but was still shocked I never heard back from this person.  Once the shock subsided,  I ran what I had said by several people to make sure my attempt at being authentic had not been needlessly hurtful.  Every person I spoke about this with said that had they been the recipient of this message, their reaction would have been positive and one of concern.  Ultimately, once I got past the episode, it was actually remarkably freeing, as instead of feeling guilty that I was turning down multiple social invitations from this person, I instead felt like maintaining that boundary had actually been a wise decision all along.

Do you have trouble saying no? How does it manifest itself?

Photo credit: xalamay via Flickr.

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{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

1 Melita November 30, 2009 at 7:16 pm

this post completely resonates with me. i understand completely where you are coming from. saying no is hard. really, really hard!! but like you said, once you got past the shock, it was the best thing that you could have done. it is so freeing isn't it?! congrats to facing your fear head-on my lovely. hugs!!


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